Hard

I feel sick. Someone I love very much is slowly and deliberately throwing their life down the toilet. Not only are they being hurtful and manipulative to the people I care about, they're being extremely self-destructive.

It's so hard. It's so hard to watch this happen and not be able to do anything about it. To see all their potential and talent be pushed aside. For what?

The lies. I'm so tired of the lies. So tired of looking into their eyes and not knowing if their words are true. Having to wonder, how did this happen? Why did this happen?

I want to shake them, slap them, hug them. Anything to save them from this downward spiral.

I feel used. Played. Because I believed them. Wanted to believe that they were giving their real self to me. I was wrong.

I have a pit in my stomach that won't go away. I'm anxious and I don't do well with anxiety. I want this to be better. But will it get better?

It's out of my hands.

And I'm scared.

Shades Of Red And Green

And no, I'm not talking about Christmas.

I'm angry. I'm not only angry, I'm flabbergasted. Somebody stole my lunch. Stole my lunch right out of the fridge at a professional business where adults work.

Stole. My. Lunch.

And the thing is, it's not an isolated incident. Stuff has been stolen out of our fridge before. I just can't understand why anyone would go into an office that doesn't belong to them and steal someone's lunch. Specifically, MY LUNCH.

And I'm hungry. And fuming. And...HUNGRY.

Secondly, I'm jealous. I'm jealous because a girl I know (who let me say is a really big sweetheart and deserves this happiness a ton) just got engaged to a guy she's been dating for a year and a half. I'm happy for her in the sense that she is in love and will be getting married but jealous that I've been with Michael and in love for almost five years and want this more than anything.

This Monday is definitely not starting the week off right.